The Story of My Struggle - Part 15

Friday February 15th, my brother M came to my place, She let me know that She has been married to Sp, on Thursday on February 7th, 2022. I was surprised because SHE did not give the news to me, turns out SHE has to give the news to my husband over the phone, but my husband purposely did not tell on me. I am very sad and sorry because I really love my sister, M.
M honestly say that SHE was pregnant 3 months. However, I do not blame M, because She was powerless resist his passion Sp. Sp has shamed our family. Sp are poor people with low education, but He has black magic, which makes M fell in love with He. Even to make M can not think clearly to consider the good and bad.
Time M associated with Sp, Sp status is still tied knot with his wife, He. He was much older age of 14 years from AD In fact, much older age, it's not a problem. The main one is whether the man was able to give material and spiritual happiness? He already had a child 9. Work only a shepherd He ducks, and worked odd jobs. Black science, not useful because it can not make him rich, but remain poor.
Sp can easily subdue my father because my father in a state of dementia, so that my father bless their marriage. If only, I'm not senile father circumstances, surely my father will never approve of their relationship. Because my father was a very idealistic person included in determining a candidate companion of life for their children. M can not uphold the degree of the family, but it has dropped the dignity of our family.
Basically, the dignity of our family has fallen and polluted, due to the second act of my brother who often quarrel which eventually led to quarrels between the father and mother. Moreover, the state of my older brother who had the initials SNG became insane. So, how could I not pray and hope someday to find a man M companion who can uphold the degree of the family.
Day of week, date of June 23th, 2002 we moved to the City AB. I followed my husband to move the task in the city. I register my child, ALB in elementary school, and YBK, in school kindergarten. Our emigration to a new place makes me happy at least, where I am in a new place may slightly reduce the fear I long to be able to gradually recover.
In the first few months, I still feel scared if I was going to the bathroom or kitchen that is located in the back, I still fear that if there are bats that flew over and passed near me. I am afraid that bats will attack me. Therefore, I always ask for transfer to the bathroom. At night when I sleep, my heart says in the Java language, which means "It should not be in between."
From the beginning I hit the spell, I love to hear tapes of the song "Love Apostle" which in sung by Haddad Alwi and Sulis. Poems speak Arabic, but I did not understand the Arabic language. But I like the rhythm of the song and the music, which can make me cry and shortness of breath. Especially on the screen there is an image of a VCD is thin and elderly men. I remember my father suffering.
Many times I thought about the supernatural events that I experienced. I do not really believe what a variety of events that I experienced it all real? I'm not sure there is one tasbeh that without me knowing it was curled up on my neck. What I have put it, but I forget? Why I do not feel it? If I had put it, obviously not possible, because I always use when making dhikr fingers to count the prayers that I say.
What I think about my beliefs on one occasion, at one event finally happened again the same. Perhaps these events, as discernment of God that I feel confident that the events that I experienced was very real to happen. At the time I finished praying maghrib, I took off mukena, without me knowing there is one tasbeh the same. Though these tasbeh I keep in cupboard.

Posted in: My Story