The Story of My Struggle Part 37 - Hysterical for fear of Hatred Against the Past

In my memory on Friday, in November 2007 we went home alone in Purworedjo. Incidentally Saturdays also off. Our house is occupied even though we can not yet perfect finish. Therefore we are no longer living in the house-in-law. In my own home free. I was not depressed by an uneasy feeling heart, if there are brothers and sisters of my husband being assembled.

In our house in Bagelen, we only stayed one night. The next day, Saturday afternoon, at around 14:30, we will go back home in Ajibarang. As we're leaving, I remembered I left my bag in the house that I have the key. Then I asked for the key, to open the back door of the house. Once I was looking for, it turns out my bag in the seat where to eat, in the kitchen.

I took my bag while in a hurry, I left the house and locked the door. The key I leave my husband and I saw Widarto were outside the fence. When my husband received the key, he said to me angrily, "Hurry .....!! I will give the keys Wiwid ...! "Wiwid is a nickname of Widarto, sister of my husband.

Anger of my husband suddenly enrages me. I was angry when he Widarto name. I spontaneously screamed hysterically saying insulting myself, and I call upon the name of God over and over again, "God .... Hi, folks ...! Here to see me ....!! I do not deserve this madman into law Mr Suparmin children.!!! I am unemployed and my people .... crazy! "Then I sat on the front porch crying.

Widarto go away because of fear see me hysterical. And when it suddenly drizzling rain although the sky was not overcast. Then my husband persuaded me to want to get into the car to go home so as not to rush the afternoon, so I got home not too late.

I eventually want to get into the car and my husband handed her the keys Widarto. Along the way back to town Ajibarang, my tears flowed freely as my inner pain relapse. I can not stand my hatred hold on my 3 sisters-in-law. Over the years I met my hatred on them until I burst into tears.

Since the incident, made my husband changed his attitude a bit. If he is angry, he rarely yelled at me. However, he can not be romantic, because it is the nature of him. Although I live less happily in love, but I am trying to survive with him. Because I may not be able to live alone without him. My life depends on him. Because I do not have a job to earn money for my living expenses.

I experienced such depression is more severe, my health had improved, eventually relapse. I find it hard to meditate, because my feelings can not be calm. Every time I sleep, I often wake up in shock and pain in the bitten my own tongue. What may be the result of Satanic witchcraft of Supardi, so I lose my tongue, so I can not speak to uncover his crimes, and also reveal the ugliness of the nature of the people who have hurt me?

If there is no trigger, I can not be angry, but I sometimes like suddenly shouted the name of Allah. I never screamed while cooking. When I was frying tempeh, and tempeh is dry, then I take to drain, but tempeh is falling, I suddenly spontaneously shouted in anger, "Allaaahhhh ....!!", Spontaneous suddenly overtaken with a thunderous clap, make I was scared. When the skies are overcast and drizzling rain.

My anger sometimes makes me act less carefully. When I finished cooking, then I turn off the stove. But I intend to again ignite the stove, to boil water. I was surprised because when the stove exploded suddenly. I spontaneously said loudly the name of God, "Allaaaahhh ...!", Then I realized that both my arms and both thighs exposed to hot oil on the stove. But strangely, I do not feel the heat and the fire did not burn me.

I not only face tough tests, but also a light test. I was scared and felt disgusted whenever I see animals leeches (leeches) and caterpillars. Strangely, when I was disgusted to animals leech, it's just the fingertips touching my hand accidentally, in the leech animals, which are in place for washing clothes bucket. And when I was afraid of a worm, it's just I saw a black hairy caterpillars were in the water in the bucket of a place to wash kitchen utensils. Sometimes, something I did not want, but instead I have to deal with it.

I do not like with my brother-in-law who had hurt me, came to my residence. One time Endang and Friska, Endang daughter came to my residence in Ajibarang. She spent the night at my place for one night. In the morning I woke up around 5.30 minutes. In the morning, I eat breakfast first. But she did not want to wait for me to make breakfast for her and her daughter. So I cried with anger, "Allaaahh .... Allaaahh ...., I hate ... "

TO BE CONTINUED,,, (----->>Please Tell to all of your friends,, and share nor forward this Article, Thanks...<<-----)

Read More

The Story of My Struggle Part 36 - Desired to Have a Car

In my memory, in the week in August of 2007, my husband and I went to the Sports Center in the city of Purwokerto. In these places, used for the sale of used cars. I became interested in buying a used car car though. Therefore, I often ask him, so I feel comfortable when I travel by my own car. If I ride public transportation, I definitely felt dizzy and vomit. In addition, also, to improve the social status of my family, because a car is a treasure in sight.
On the way to go to that place, I said to my husband. "I want to live a noble, and do not be half-hearted to glorify my life. However, if half-hearted, then let me live in infamy as well. These words, which I often say to my husband. I have always said in tears. Because my inner pain recur, makes me want to torture myself. I want to work a construction worker or a street vendor, so my body heat of the sun struck and I want to continue fasting, and fasting.

Once we reached the place, we did not find a car that suits our desires. Then one day, we went to a used car showroom in Purwokerto. In these places there is one unit that concerned us. And we do not buy it directly. So we need to think about whether or not we buy. A few days later we came back to the venue. However, the car that we want previously been sold.
In September 2007, we came again to place the used car showroom. In these places we see the cars that got me interested. The car was produced in 2004. Means have been used for 3 years. With the price Rp.98.000.000, 00. When we immediately felt confused, thinking, because we do not have that kind of money savings. We only have less than half.
Finally, we find another solution so that we can buy that car. To pay the shortfall of the cost, so we took on the services of leasing, payment by installments over the car, which is for 3 years, although we can get the money in cash, with a lot of gold jewelry we sell, but we are saying at all to sell.
The gold jewelry is our savings for the future provision of our 2 sons should we prepare funds for school fees and tuition, and other expenses. We prefer them rather than prioritizing future of my wishes. So I should be able to manage our finances and our family got to know about what needs to be prioritized.
I feel a little proud and happy after my wishes could come true. I feel my family increased degree of glory. But it was not able to treat my inner pain. Why since I experienced the influence of witchcraft, I became a vengeful? I do not forgive others' mistakes, and I always pray and hope that the bad people who have hurt me, they should have this a disaster.

TO BE CONTINUED,,, (----->>Please Tell to all of your friends,, and share nor forward this Article, Thanks...<<-----)

Read More

The Story of My Struggle Part 35 - I as a place to lean

My brother did not know that my husband is getting tired of their arrival, but I did not dare to express my feelings on their husbands. Because I also have to keep their feelings so that they do not feel hurt and become my husband hates. However, the fact that my husband still want to give something to them.
Actually, that makes me upset because they can not be trusted. SNH and M always take advantage if they want something. Each of them had the idea to do a thing, I always bear the costs. When she asked that our mother's grave is built with ceramics, I agree, and she is working on its own. However, the building becomes less good, because the funds are not used to the maximum.
She also told me that the tomb belongs to our father built the same. However, she put off the construction of the tomb workmanship. Though she has received money from me. Then she gave reasons that she can not consent from the local village chief, because that can be used interchangeably with other people in need. Finally, some tombs My father had been boarded by the graves of others.
When she wants to trade clothes, my love and I gave capital enough money to try to trade clothes. Then she bought 20 pieces of clothing, and take it to where I live. She said that she also adds about half of the capital. But, she asked me for help to those who sell clothes.
Although my heart is very upset, but I tried to help she. And I try to offer the clothes on my friends mothers in societies women's organizations. The clothing only sold a few pieces. And I took 4 pieces and the rest of the outfit along with the money from the sale, I give it to M.
One day she came to me and said his desire, that she has a better motorcycle for public transportation, because the motor that was used by him, the situation is not worth taking. If the bike is good, then she is easy to get passengers, to earn a lot of money quickly.
For that reason, she borrowed money on me to buy a motorcycle, a used, but still in good condition. She promised to return the money belongs to me only in a period of 20 months. But it was more than 3 years back she was not well. Then I told my husband, and asked to give up the money, and we finally gave up.
One day SNH expressed a desire in me, that there was a friend of the man who wants to borrow a book he proof of vehicle ownership he belongs, to be a swing to borrow money to a loan shark. His friend promised to give high interest, but I do not agree. And no I know, he has lent the book. Until now the book is not returned. Finally he can not pay the tax without the book.
After my father died, my husband ultimately bear the cost of living M and SNG. And I also have a sister who is quite wealthy. His name is SN Hastuti. She housewife like me, she good at family finances. Husband she, named S.Waluyo. They look at our parents about 4 months, and at the time of Eid. Though it only took one hour, the distance from home to the SN Hastuti parents house.
They do not want to help by giving money and anything needed by our parents, let alone to help his brother. Except that it's cheap to feed. They do not care even if her parents and brother sick. They reasoned that they could not help because they still need funding for treatment for SN Hastuti suffering from Diabetes disease that has not yet healed decades.
They do not feel happy, if there is a poor brother to come to his house. Because they feel ashamed of his neighbors. It has made the brothers did not want to come to his house again. Three brothers I'd rather help them. When they are facing a problem and needed help from me.

TO BE CONTINUED,,, (----->>Please Tell to all of your friends,, and share nor forward this Article, Thanks...<<-----)

Read More

The Story of My Struggle Part 34 - Rebuilding My House

In October, 2000, we built the house. However, we must first build a foundation for a fence around his house. Only later, in July, 2002, we continued construction of the house. We built the house with a gradual way, and my husband got on any money, other than money wages on a monthly basis.
My husband seemed happy when I got home from work. Because he will return to his parents' house to build the house. After he said goodbye to me, he walked and said to me, "Building a home is far and gentlemen, that is not visited by relatives." Purpose is the brother of my words.
In addition he was happy, he was also annoyed with my brothers from coming to my residence with expectations given the money and something else. Because they are so accustomed to rely or depend on us. They do not try to cut corners and work life to the fullest. Even have to be diligent fasting and prayer, especially praying at night.
He was irritated with my brothers, however, the brother he himself, he gave money or something with as he pleases without telling me. In fact, I am always honest when I give something to my parents and my brothers. He chose to build a house close to his parents' home, a distance of around 100 meters.
He also provides an easy way to communicate via telephone. He asked permission to me that he would put the phone in our house, however, since the home has not been built, then for a while the phone is plugged in her parents' house. And I think that he also pay all the call charges on a monthly basis.
Once the house is almost finished so, then I ask the phone to my husband, so soon installed in our own home. But the fact that the phone has been damaged after being used for about 5 years. When I heard these words he, angry because I hold my hatred arise in Widarto.
He hates me, because he has insulted me. But, he enjoys my treasures. When he was treated in hospital and my husband to bear the cost of treatment. My husband's motorcycle we give only one without permission from me. He received many gifts from my husband, from a small amount to a large sum.
My husband did not know that I actually hated Widarto, but my husband told Widarto work to build our house. Actually, I feel very disappointed, because I hate Widarto in addition, my husband thought the he exchanged in terms of choosing the color of the floor tiles, and in the other case.
Widarto like parasites, exactly with the parasite. He did not want to try and work. He only raise goats and sell the crops that the results are not obtained on a monthly basis. He support his wife and one son to rely on money from his father retired. He used to receiving gifts from other relatives.

TO BE CONTINUED,,, (----->>Please Tell to all of your friends,, and share nor forward this Article, Thanks...<<-----)

Read More

The Story of My Struggle Part 33

SNGi was credited with my marriage with Sutejo (Sutejo is the name of the husband I). Therefore, she expects a reply from me. At that time, she thought that my life has been a successful and happy. Though facilities to get something, I always buy it in installments. For all the money we have collected tubes, always used to help parents and my brothers.
When I was in my parents' house, and when I was washing clothes in the well with M, then M said that SNGi had said to him, "I'm sorry to have to match with Sutejo Titi." She regretted not like seeing my life happy, except I want to give money and she bear the economic burden of the family.
When I hear the words of M, then spontaneously I replied while holding angry, "my life happy or not, it's not because of SNGi, who has united me with Sutejo in marriage, but she just as intermediaries only. She did not unite the power of my love with my husband! "
She is indeed a boon to me, but the services she merely wrote letters on my behalf with my photo without telling me, and the cost for shipping She sent the letter to a man named Sutejo. She only speculate, because she does not know himself, and just look at his picture. She only saw her picture. But by chance the guy wrote back and directed me to the environment.
She thought that my life was happy because he had a lot of money, until I was able to help take load economy of my parents and my brother. And I try to live frugal, and I am willing to put aside all my desires and my needs, so my bias aside money for saving and helping my brother.
The main thing is the intention and sincerity to devote to both do good to parents or siblings and also for other people, and try to the maximum, to obtain wealth. Wealth and power that I give to them is a form of love. I believe that God would change my treasure with pleated.
She should thank me, because I am trying to help to ease the economic burden is also our parents and our siblings. While she herself refuses to devote to his parents, with power and wealth. When in fact she can live more than enough, if she would try to cut corners and can manage the family economy.
She forgot the kindness that I have served she, when she felt uneasy. When she recently had a child, and the child is about 2 years old, then she was pregnant again. When she was pregnant, she became lazy to do something, but she was not sick nausea or vomiting.
She does not have a principle of life, "Stand Umbrella, before the rain." She lazy to do a variety of jobs in the home, such as sweeping, or washing clothes. She would prefer to buy ready-made food, rather than cook their own meals. Therefore, at the end of each month only a remnant of money. Even sometimes can run out before the end of the month.
She, as a wife should get up early, earlier than the other, around 04.30 AM. Wake up and pray as a token of gratitude and a sense of gratitude to God who has given good health and safety. Then cook the food, and preparing food for breakfast for her family. However, she hand over all the work to me.

TO BE CONTINUED,,, (----->>Please Tell to all of your friends,, and share nor forward this Article, Thanks...<<-----)

Read More

The Story of My Struggle Part 32

M is a person who can not be trusted. Once, when my husband's job moved from city to city Mempawah Banyumas, My husband and I first came home my parents, before I take the home office.

We came home with a gold jewelry to give to my mother, father and M. A ruby ​​ring for father eyed, one piece pin serial, one piece necklace, pendant and one for blue-eyed mother, a single bracelet, a ruby-eyed rings and a pendant bell-shaped fruit to M.

Two years later I gave the money to the mother. I told her that the money was a gift from my father to return the money that has been borrowed my mother's father and the rest by waiting there fortune again. With the money, M bought a one piece rings and earrings (studs are jewelry attached to the ear).

For about twelve years, she often collect money owed by the father. The money is from the estate of the parents she. Then the money was used to build the roof of a house that has not been completed so. Previously, cube-shaped houses are still around ten years and has been the home can not be continued because the father does not have money.

To M, I was told, that she did not sell all the jewelry worn by my mother and father. However, unbeknownst to me, she had pawned all my jewelry is daring, and never make it up. I know when I was at my parents' house. I was surprised once she showed one piece of evidence lien letter from Dad ring.

M handed the pawn proof to me while she said lightly, "It's my father's ring, please redeemed ...." When I hold anger. The ring is the only jewelry pawned by the latter she. She also pawned all my jewelry and gifts from she would never make it up. She reasoned that she owned money used to buy drugs that are often ill father's coughing because my father loved to smoke.

I am very sorry and feel hurt, because I owned the property savings being lost. She spent the money from the mortgage just to buy good food, foods made from meat or fish. Emphatically, I refused my request that she make up the ring. However, my heart is very sad to let go of the ring.

She was good at taking advantage by mortgaging all of the jewelry at the Indonesian nation is experiencing a severe economic crisis, around 1998. At that time gold prices surged by 400%. She is like a parasite that lives always relies on other trees.

M loves to complain to me, if she was in need of something. If she takes this and that, so I tried to help by giving money she and she needed something. In fact I always give something without asking she. I willingly helped with prayer, power, and my possessions. However, she is not ungrateful.

She gave me the confidence to do something, and I always bear funds. And I always give more than enough money. However, she did not use the money as they should be. She always suggest something for the good and the common good, and that she took care of the job, she was in control.

When M wants to build a room for the toilet, then I obey her wishes. I have more than enough money. However, she used the money only about 35% of the money that she was supposed to use to build. She in turn, builds the toilet so long. Depth of the hole is only about half a meter, do not use pralon water flow and is located approximately 3 meters from the source of water for every day. Yet on a daily basis, she alone who use the facility.

Behind me, she love to say that my heart hurt. I do all the words of M, is of the SNG. M Rice said she, "No way, stay paying." That, that was eak because just give money without any physical exertion. She felt tired because of exertion, when in fact she just told the porters to work.

After my father died, then who bear the brunt of the cost of living SNG is my husband. Every month we definitely send money through the post office by way of Notes with the name of M. But she did not reply, What she had received my money or not? So I do not worry about the money does not get into the hands of M.

Not only M who have hurt me, but also SNG. She also does not like me because I rarely give money to she. After she became a widow, she does not keep the dignity of his family. She loves to mix freely with a man she loved. She also spent money on insurance savings accidents suffered by her husband. She should have used the money to venture capital.

She wished me to give economic aid. However, I just want to help at certain times, ie at the time of Eid. I gave the money to her two children who have not worked. And at the time they visited my residence. Or also at the time I visited her home.

TO BE CONTINUED,,, (----->>Please Tell to all of your friends,, and share nor forward this Article, Thanks...<<-----)

Read More