The Story of My Struggle Part 52 - The Arrival of My Pen Pals

On Sunday afternoon dated at August 29th, 1991, we had guests, my pen pal from Bali. He was a handsome man named Ida Komang Antara, a highborn of gentleman with Hindu characteristic. He came with his friend, Budi. Just before evening came, they find a lodging for the rest. So after evening time, my sister and I escort them to get to the Dirgahayu's hotel by rickshaw. Until down in front of our hotel, and after they pay, my young sister and I rode the rickshaw, we went home immediately.

Soon they were bathing in the hotel, then they came back to my house. In the living room he told us about his true self. He admitted that he had had a wife and he has one daughter, aged 7.5 years old. He intends to seek a second bride. When I heard his confession, I was disappointed, but I did not directly refused him, because he did not say anything to me. He told us that he wanted to take us to the streets tomorrow morning.

The next morning, at approximately 09:00 AM, they came to our house. Then I asked him, "So, what we so go for a walk...? Or not...?" When I asked, he turned into a haughty face, but then the four of us so we went to the hotel. In the living room of the Dirgahayu's hotel, we sat and witnessed by several employees of the hotel. When I do not understand why he suddenly asked me the cavalier attitude. His question also really hurt our feels.

He asked, "Is your father there is a breed that has a mental illness?" Spontaneous, I replied while shaking my head with, "No...." Then he asked again, "Is there also from mother?'' I replied again , with shook his head,"No..." But, he does not believe. Then he said, "Why do you write a letter with digress?" Then he raised his hands, to show ten fingers, and said, "Really..!? Writing letters until 10 sheets..? Still better your sister, rather than her old sister. It turns out you do not have charisma!" said Ida Komang Antara. In front of everyone else, he had been embarrass me, until my sister took me home. Ironically, they come with us too. In fact, he is also ride a rickshaw with me. And we headed to the market. We bought some squid and spinach leaves. And just spend the money for Rp.5000. Since I do not carry enough cash, so he was paying it. He was surprised, and said, "Just Rp.5000 is so cheap."

Then four of us went home oby foot. Sidewalks along the road, he and his friend, Budi, just silence. But, my sister, SN Trimurti and I communicate with my code language to discuss abut them. When I got home, I entered my room. I sat on the floor, leaning against the walls. I thought about the events, that just happened. My mind was empty, and my soul was dead until I did not care when he infiltrated into my room, and sat on my left side. Suddenly, her right-hand fingers, pressing my two cheeks to open my mouth. He saw my teeth, and then he told me and asked about the family of my neighbors whose home was not far from my house, which was located on the east front. Her curiosity, about the family makes me think, and asked myself, "What did he mean was Mr Sanusi family?" And maybr they (Mr. Sanusi's family) were incite him, because they hated my family.

He (Ida Komang Antara) do not feel guilty, and apologized to me. Without shame, he teased me. He said that he would give me a job as a bartender holder in the company he owned. And he would give me one house, with price about Rp. 60 million. He also promised to marry me, in the next month of May 1992. He also wants to have a child that he wished for. When he was seduced, I was cold to him. Suddenly he hugged my body, and I lay on the floor. He tried to rape me. When it is, I rebelled. However, he is much stronger force than me, until he managed to enter most of the tip of his penis.

In him Ida Komang Antara, I said that I would marry him in a manner according to the teachings of Hinduism. But I just want on day, then the next morning immediately divorced him. Because what I want is to get the status of my identity, not as a widow and not as a virgin, or if he doesn't want to divorce with me, then he must get the blessing or a permission of his first wife to marry me. When I told about my desire, he just keep quiet.

Quietly, he left the room. Continue to sit in the living room. While I was in my room, feel the pain of my heart. And also, pain in my vagina. When he was outside, I immediately took off my underwear. And I saw my pants with blood staining. A few moments later, he entered my room, and I show my panties to him, so he knew that I was a virgin. But, instead he asked, "What if it wss not a menstrual blood?" Spontaneous I replied, "No... I just finished menstruating 5 days ago.." At that time, he was silent and only a few moments in the room, and he came out again, re sitting in the living room. I do not care, if he believed me or not recognition.

Soon he was out , and then he came into the room. He came up to me, who was standing against the wall near the door of the room. He immediately hugged me, while put his penis. After that he went out of my room. And then, he went into my room again as he pulled out his penis again, for the third time. He laid my body, which was gloomy on the bed. When I did not care for him, even against my own personal safety. I am desperate, I just shut up and surrender to what he would do to me.

At that time, I was being stupid, My feelings was hurt and I made my mind went blank, then there is rape, as I didn't want it happens. When he was enjoying my body, my heart says Istighfar's pray repeatedly, until he was exhausted by itself, without being able to get a pleasure, because he can not discharge his sperm. However, he has managed to grab my virginity. He then sat down, and then lay his own body in my bed beside me, as he closed his eyes, that made my heart couldn't hate him. I took the rosary that is on top of the bed, then I draped the rosary on his neck, that made me laugh to myself, because he looks cute.

The next night, he stayed at our house. I show the Primbon's book to him, about the prophecy of Java. Tomorrow morning, they return to Hotel, to take his equipments. And in the afternoon,  My sister and I accompany them, as they wait for the bus, and they went home to Bali.

Before I had to face to face with him, and before even saw his photo, I 've seen his first face when I was in my dream. In the dream, he entered the house without permission, and my sister experienced two events that funny, which makes me laugh all night. Before  the event of the rape of myself, Saturday night until late Sunday morning, I heard the sound of a voice goats, because in heat. Although we've been saying repeatedly seek Istighfar's pray, but we were unable to shake off the feeling of cute until we scolded by our parents, because we were disturbing the peace of their sleep.

Since he (Ida Komang Reuters) went home, I waited for news from him. But during the first week, I was waiting for the arrival of a letter from him, it did not come. For one week, two weeks, up to one month, and two months have passed until it was in May, and until it arrives at the end of May, he does not also give us the news. So I finally resigned to my fate to God who has my heart and soul.

During my time on hold, I am every day, after 12.00 PM, I always dhikr and reading prayers before I rest and take a nap, about an hour. And every night after I sholat maghrib, I always read the verses of the Al-Quran, among other Surah Al-Fatihah 100 times, Al-Ikhlas 1000 times, and some beautiful words of Allah (Asmaul Husna) and read up to 1000 times. I often run my Sholat sunnah. after did a Obligatory Sholat, such as Sholat Rowatib, Sholat Awabu, Sholat Tasbih, Sholat Fajar, Sholat Tahajud. When I was praying to Allah, I would rather be under the under the bed.

On Sunday, at about 3:00 PM, my sister and I were sitting on the front porch of the house. Suddenly we saw a man with long hair, who no one knows where he came from. Suddenly he already arrived, and standing in front of us with a distance of about 5 meters below the Waru tree. Then, he pulled out his penis and turned it up lasted more than an hour. At that time, we were just smiling, and strangely we can not laugh. But only briefly, because we were able to withstand against a funny taste. Then we went, enter our house, in the house, my mother also saw that events, through the glass window. Our mothers and fathers, saying prayer with Surat Al-Baqoroh paragraph 255 (Ayat Qursy). Not long after that, he was not in place, went out.

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The Story of My Struggle Part 51 - When My Brother, SN Giharto Became Crazy and Running Amok

On Friday evening, dated at August 20th, 1991, approximately 9.00 PM finally my brother, SN Giharto became crazy. He banged his head on the wall, on the front side of the bed. Initially we heard a sound repeatedly dug-dug, we were curious and we try to look into my brother's room. Sure enough, the sound is a sound clash of my brothet’s head.

In a panic, my father trying to help him with his embrace. But father was not so strong to stop SN Giharto banging his head against the wall again. Because mother asked for help in a Kyai (Muslim doctor) named Father Abdul Ghani. SN Giharto could be realized after Father Abdul Ghani recited the holy verses of the Al-Qur'an, and he was given a cup of water. Holding the cup, Father Abdul Ghani sat with a cross-legged on the bed, and he moves his body to the right and to the left while saying, "La Illaha Illallah." However, He did not mention the name of Muhammad.

Father Abdul Ghani said that my brother had been possessed by a black Jin, a demon. When asked, he said that he had taken flight by a big tall  and black creature. Fly from one planet to another planet. That night in the house many bats fly over around my brother's room. My sister and I sit in front of the porch, while I cried. That night was very very creepy.

Outside of my house, I saw one tile that was in front of me. Then I took the tile and I hid it under a chair in the living room. Because I'm afraid he's going berserk with the use of the tile. But it did happen. He saw the tile and pick it up, then the tile being crashed to the window's glass in the living room until the glass is cavitied.

My sister SN Trimurti and I  fear when we saw he brought a tray. As he walked slowly without realizing it. We were afraid he would hit us with the tray. Therefore I am in a hurry to avoid him, went, while I kept an eye on him. And we walked around the house itself, and to the house of our neighbor.

We stand behind the old house, and we feel tired, we ended up trying to dare enter the house and I went into the bedroom. Then I slept on my back on the bed while I close my eyes, I say some words in my heart, repeatedly, read an Al-Quran's verse, Surat Al-Ikhlas.

Then unknowingly, he ( SN Giharto ) put his ear on my chest, because he wanted to listen to my inner voice. At first I was scared, bright times he could do bad things to me. But it did not, then a second, I let her head stuck in my chest.

The next day, on Sunday, August 22, 1991, my brother and I took my sister, SN Giharto went to my sister house, SN Hastuti in Slawi City. We want to comfort him, so he does not getting stress. We take public transport. Get there, we rest for a while and then we both go home, while he stays at SN Hastuti's home. But at night, he came home with a car ride escorted by my sister in law, Suswaluyo and two of his friends. According to the story Suswaluyo, that in his house where he tried to escape after removing his pants until SN Giharto was naked. In the car, along the way, he also tried to grab the steering wheel of the car and tried to run away.

Suswaluyo was surprised and amazed to me, why SN Giharto was bow his head to me? He did not rebel and escape. He obeyed to me because I was the one who has a pure heart and love to do good deeds. Meanwhile, Suswaluyo is very stingy person, like to drink liquor.

For over a week I could not sleep in a day and night. It makes me tormented by a sense of fatigue for not resting and tormented by the fear. But my fear is reduced after my brother SN Giharto want to pray with my father. But, a few weeks later, he started to pray infrequently until finally no longer want to pray.

He began to laugh often alone, often beat-beat his chest with his right hand, while holding. We felt so sorry for him. When we asked him, "Why do you often pounded your chest so hard ...?" Then he repeatedly answered, "Buddha ... Buddha ... Buddha ..." He was unable to stop her voice that continues dhikr.

Satan likes to tease men, so that people do something about the bad things or evil. But the devil likes people who have a patient nature and likes to do good deeds. As in the hadith Qudsi, on oath devil, "For the sake of your greatness, oh Allah... I'm going to tempt people from the right side and left side. From the front and from the rear, with the exception of those who Muchlis (Muchlis is the good persons that did a good deeds with patiently."

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The Story of My Struggle Part 50 - A Patience in Dealing with the Trials of My Life

Problem always came after one problem to another. In facing those problems, just I and my dad that were patient. We are diligent in doing five time's Sholat and also sunnah Sholat. My Mother sometimes do not pray when she was tired. My sister , Sri Nur Trimurti was very rare to doing a Sholat. She is very lazy, and she does not want to work for herself even washing her own clothes, especially underwear. In fact, I sometimes wash her ​​underwear that exposed with menstrual blood. If all the dirty clothes, and she wears my clean clothes. However, she did not want to wash it, and I also ironed her clothes. She also has the nature of envy in me. She could turn out well if she was in love with my male friends.

To save our family economy we had to saved some money, and then my father cut down the acacia tree branch, approximately every three months. The wood cut down and we should exfoliate this branch skin, and we had to dried it for firewood. We both are working on our own when we put the tiles to the floor. Brother SN Heryanto wants to help us in placed the floor tile if only he ordered by somone. I worked like a man, helped stir the mixture of cement and sand. Lifting and installing the tile until all fifteen pieces of freight. And I had come to set it up.

Although my father were diligent in prayed to God, but father could sometimes provoked to an emotions, when both my brother were arguing. Sometimes father got crankyin the room all day without eating and drinking. He wants to go out when they want ablutions. Dad often immersed in the shadow of past events that he remembered. Dad angry at my brother two because disappointing the expectations of both his parents. Both can not uphold the family's degrees. Both are not reliable, and equally libelous family. Both are  the sources of our suffering.

Often father drowned in a revenge of suffering heartache over a family conflict events in the past. If father's fight with mom, dad always offend to my grandmother's attitude or my mother-in-law of my father. My father said, that the grandmother more in love with my father's three stepdaughters, which is the result of a marriage of my mother with her earlier husband, named Abdul Jamil. Mothers also pay more attention to Mr. Sudadi's health, her son, husband of Mrs Siti Maemunah, his eldest daughter, rather than with my father. Mothers often make a drink made of herbs or herbal medicine.

Mom always left my father, went home to her parents, after a fight with my father. Days until my mother was not home, so if the father wants to eat, father had to go to a shop to buy food. Sometimes dad cook himself. Every fight, mothers always give for divorce. But the father does not want to divorce the mother. Because father loves the mother.

Often father cried, when told about his childhood to me. Because when he was a teenager, has been left by his father (my grandfather) by a dead. So my father had to help her mother's earn a living by searching for firewood in the forest for sale. Especially if my father remember his father's death, Arbain Kartomiharjo, who died of poisoning by his friend of his colleagues, for days vomiting blood, and eventually died.

On the other hand, my mother suffering from mental disorder. Almost every day of my mother accuse my father that he even used a whitecraft, because in my mother's chest feel pain like stabbed by some needles. Mom always had a suspicious and always prejudice. If father makes the drink like sweet tea for the family, only mothers who did not drink it. My  mother accused to my father that he wants her to die soon enough, so that my father could marry again with another younger woman, which can serve my father spiritual needs.

As a child, I was wondering how to solve this problem. Mainly my problem were the rebellious of my brother. One time I came up the idea to send letters to a brother who manages the foundation Sugiyapranata in Semarang's City. With the aim for help so that my brother could be guided into good Catholics corresponding belief. But it turns out I sent another letter to the local city government office Pemalang when it comes to an officer named Mr. Joseph . And he can not do anything.

That only I can do is patience and submission to God. But I remain vigilant to maintain the safety of the family of threats sister. Day and night I always dhikr read short passages of the Al-Quran and the Asmaul Husnah (The Beautiful Names of Allah SWT), despite what I say is, I do not understand most of its meaning. I sleep before the early morning. Sleep on a mat under the floor under the bed. During the day, I sleep in the same mine. And I find inner tranquility.

Our house is very bad in circumstances. If it rains then our roof will leak. That sometimes we had to stand in the corner of the room so we did not get wet. If the dry season, a lot of dust and dirt from many pollen  of wood-eating insects, fallen because our house without a roof ceiling. What's more, a lot of mosquitoes that kept coming. Because there is next to our house were stood a goat pen.

Many various forms of suffering that I experienced as a result of poverty. Among other things, when our family in a state of not having money, for breakfast I eat what it is, and sometimes not at all to have to withstand stomach feels queasy. But we were grateful that we were able to buy rice for our food supply for 1 month. To buy side dishes, we were forced to owe with someone.

My sister and I had to lie to my mother, simply because we both like to eat a bowl of meatballs that when the price is only Rp.300. I told mom offering banana leaves for sale at a neighbor with a reason for the cost of care of the paperwork to apply for the job requirements. We lie because we were addicted to eating meatballs .

My desire to add a new collection of clothes, so when I was at the home of my sister Sri Nur Hastuti, I am not ashamed to picking up a piece of old cloth pieces of her wasted dress in the back near the kitchen. The fabric has been exposed to chicken manure, then I wash it, and I asked for a cloth pair. The fabric I take home and sew my own clothes for the above .

To afford a Mukena it's very hard, moreover to buy a new clothes. When the Sholat ID, a lot of women around me were looking at me with a strange loo. Maybe because when I wear mukenah were already worn out, pure white-brown with black spots on the head. Among women pilgrims who pray, Just I the person who wears the worst Mukena.

Difficult it is to eliminate the habit of my fother, smoking two packs a day, then to minimalize the money spending, every father smoked a cigarette always gather the ciggarette butt. All the ciggarette butts were gathered  and the tobacco was taken and mixed again with the new tobacco and clove. Then made a new cigarettes again with Papir(cigarette wrapping paper). The cigarettes, after smoked, it's butt also collected again, always so and so on .

Suffering of our family had been completed, because we also tyrannized by people around us. Basically because they are jealous of my relationships that were very extensive, and I like to keep changing boyfriends, up to 22 times. Many middle class who are interested in me, but I also hated by men and women from the lower society class. Especially women who almost every day happy wag, spread disgrace, slander and pitting. In association in community organizations of youth organization, many women who hate me.

Not only adults , but also young children often damage flowers and the house walls scribbled with obscenities . They sometimes peep us if I was in the shower , sometimes also some adult men . Sometimes when I 'm walking in front of a group of women who were sitting on the porch of their home or standing . They like to say that insinuating words that made ​​me hurt.

They like to observe my personal life. They do not like to see me often had a multiple man, I mean boyfriend. Indeed, I easily get bored with my boyfriend. In a love relationship, only lasted between 3 to 6 months. I'm bored as ever kissing and almost every weekend we had get met. Although I am free to make friends with a guy, but I always keep my virginity. For the virginity of a girl is the epitome of self-esteem.

They often insult us, and often behind us. We can know who it is that has been defame us, because there is someone who often report to us. They accused me of being a prostitute woman. Among them are those who are often told that we are the descendants of mad people. There are also those who say that we were infidels, and our family also never read the Al-Quran. There also were said with malice, "Their family are crazy people, family people who often run amok." Some say that our family is indebted and poor people.

There are among those who want us to be harmed. In the front yard, someone given a rusty nails mine that have been given the evil spell of the shaman. Sometimes also on the home page, there is also someone that put human waste (feces). Each of our family keep a pets, some of them didn't like that we had a pet cats do and a few pigeons also died because they were given poison.

Examination of my life that came and went was forged me into a stronger person. Also, I became a person who always thinks of everything I did not know. I think, why most people find it to be a good Muslim, if they only can read the Al Qur'an? Despite themselves doesn't know what it means, but they feel proud and self-righteous that they acquising the others believe.

Those who insult us most of them bears an Arabic name. Bears the name of the Prophet and the Asmaul Husna (Beautiful Names of Allah SWT). However, they are not in harmony with the morality of his name. That means they had tarnished the truth of God's attributes. I hate them. To arrive at some point I have an obsession, if later I have a husband and a child later, when I was pregnant, I will be fasting, reducing the time to sleep at night and pray. It was all so that my children become good people, can be a useful man for anothers persons. Also I give my children names with Sanskrit Language.

The beginning of my interest in Hinduism, as I often hear stories of colossal farce with Hindu kingdom background, the Majapahit Empire. Plus I got a flyer from Mrs. gedong Oka from Bali. He was a caregiver of Paramitha Dasa hostel. To her, I sent letters to provide solutions to the problems that our families face. When it began to be moved I will bring peace kindness over the teachings of  Father Mahatma Gandhi.

Besides, I really like to watch Indian movies. I am very fond of Indian film, because the film is very romantic, polite and without porn scene. Unlike a western movie with absolutely no moral educate people, because they are very loud and movies featuring scenes of violence and sexual scenes are hot. Their morale is very low in their degrees. I have a lot to learn kindness from Indian films.

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The Story of My Struggle Part 49 - Continuation of our family disputes

According to my father, that during their education and training  father was always closer to God. Mother deny what my father accused to her, and mother even dare to take the oath. Dad also think what mother have been raped by a Jin, who resembles the father? According to the story, that on the night before  father's departure to Salatiga City, mother 's father had sexual intercourse, and for the father left the mother, mother is always faithful.

At that time, our family lived in poverty and debt bondage. Cars are no longer executed. Because besides being a source of contention, as well as father is no longer believed to SN Heryanto. Finally the car is left idle, was beside the house, and offered for sale. There are some people who bid, but the car was not also removed, until the price goes down.

For more than a year, the car is not productive. So when it came time to pay taxes, mother and father became confused until forced to sell any existing property. Once the money is collected, the money handed over to my brother, SN Heryanto, which was entrusted to pay the taxes. However, instead he told his friends, who called So'ep, to pay the taxes. For months we were waiting to hear from him. Several times my brother came to his house, but had never met him.

We're tired of waiting for news of him, and my mother came up to his house, but again So'ep not in his home. Only his wife met us. We spoke with her ​​only briefly. We look at the top of the table there is a tape. At that time, my mother spontaneously took it with force, as collateral if the money is not refunded. Until now So'ep not refund our money.

In mid- 1987, my brother SN Heryanto got a job in PT . Kiani Lestari, in Samarinda. He was able to recruit blue-collar workers to be invited to go to work there. For approximately two years, he worked, and he was engaged to a girl from the village Ampelgading, Pemalang City. He named Mukhiroh. To finance the engagement, our father borrowed some money in the bank.

Although my brother, SN Heryanto not at home, but SN Giharto still hate him. Even trying to separate him from her. By way incited by an anonymous letter. He even threatened to kill all the family members who lived in one house, then he would hang himself if SN Heryanto not immediately send the money to him. So for the safety of the family, SN Heryanto give him money.

In the end, the car sold at very low prices, which is Rp. 600,000. Because the cost of the car tax, have not been paid by father. The car was purchased by Mr. Sie-Yot, people of Chinese descent. Then, the proceeds from the sale of the car is given SN Giharto. However, he did not want to go to Jakarta to apply for jobs. He would rather hang out with his friends that he has known, called Tek-Lie, people of Chinese origin.

Since SN Giharto friends with Tek-Lie, then the money which he holds becomes less and less and eventually run out, to buy food and cigarettes with Tek-Lie, and also to buy lottery tickets gambling. Since then, he often said to me, "Buddha that he is religious . " Buddha, Buddhism which he loved.

After he does not hold any more money, then he would rather be in the room. He repeatedly asked father, so the father to borrow money in the bank again. And he's always threatening on father, asked father for money or when something else. But father was not afraid anymore with her ​​threat, even a father handed his head, to be cut down by SN Giharto. When SN Giharto just stood, silent without speaking a word.

For over 8 years, I lived in terror of SN Giharto. I always worry if his threat actually going to a reality. He always says a word threatened to kill all the family members who lived in one house. Then he would commit suicide, by hanging himself, in the outside of the home, on a mango tree.

Almost every night, I am always wary of him, especially at night. I always lack of sleep, for about 8 years, just for the sake of maintaining the safety of the elderly, and SN Tri Murti, my sister and myself.

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The Story of My Struggle Part 48 - Two of My Brother that Can't be Trusted

Illustration picture. Van gogh.

To be able to work in the company, a cost should be fulfilled to take care of all the requirements, and he must enroll through an intermediary named Mr. Amin, who lives in Jakarta. Therefore he asked father in order to borrow money in the bank office. And before he got a job, he wanted to work as a driver of a car belonging to the father. He caused that brother Setyo Nur Heryanto looking for another job.

My father forbid SN Giharto to work as a driver's car. Because he does not have a driving license. And also, father had a desire to enroll him in office in the City Perhutani (Forestry Department) office in the city of Pemalang. But he refused. He want to driver his father car. He felt jealous of his own brother, so he always says threatening word like want to kill his brother. Every time he was arguing with his brother, he said that he demanded justice affection from father.

Each SN Heryanto want to run the car, always preceded by a quarrel with SN Giharto, his brother. Setyo Nur Giharto like rehash the SN Heryanto's past. He never takes away a motorcycle that my father bought new. For weeks did not went home. Then he asked the help of the Father Jopret in Pekalongan. He said that the bike was in the Solo and would be sold by his friend. Thanks to the help of God and thanks to his help, the bike finally back.

To gratify the desires of SN Giharto, the father borrowed money in the bank with high interest rates. The money was handed all to SN Giharto. However, the money is not used properly. However, he likes to buy lottery tickets forecasts/lottery. After being discharged, he asked for the money again with threatening to kill his brother, SN Heryanto, and then my father did. For the second time, the money to fund passport and any other requirements. After passport and others have done, he just waiting for the call. However, some of the money that should be used to pay for transport to Jakarta City, finally run out to buy a lottery coupon (Social Fund Contribution Prize).

Eventually discharged to buy coupons gambling and eating in a stall. He loves to visit his uncle home, he uncle who was a Catholic. He liked the teachings of the Catholic past. He said that the Catholic people, not lazy and would like cleanliness. Most of them are rich people. He hated Islam. He said that the Muslims are very lazy, and dirty, and poor.

Problems grow again as long as several weeks, SN Heryanto work. Turns out he was not honest with my father. Many times he said that today stildd more deserted passengers. So do not get any money. But each was about to leave, he asked for the money to my father to buy gasoline. Eventually, we become aware of his lies from a neighbour. Turns out that he did not work, but go with a girl named Riasyih, a girl child of our neighbor. The money to buy something for her. In addition, SN Heryanto lazy to wash the car, so the car is always washed after use, by me.

SN Heryanto's big lie make his brother SN Giharto, more hate him. Almost every day they fight. I am concerned about the safety of SN Heryanto because SN Giharto always says, "I will kill you". Although his brother often threatened, but SN Heryanto remain calm in the face. He simply said, "I just want to cut your hand." He said without emotion, and he would rather give in and go in the room, or go outside the house. Mom and dad also always give advice to them with patience.

The nature of my siblings are equally reticent, but have differences. SN Heryanto have basic properties patient, loving, polite and courteous and the like caving, also love to hang out, but lazy. The ugliness in the past is like lying, if he want to get money from mom and dad.

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The Story of My Struggle Part 47 - My Father Issues After His Retirement

In December 1984, my father retired and receiving money from Taspen, a retiree committee organization. As the money to buy a used car, which is in part to the cost of home improvement. Dad bought the car because of the SN Heryanto persuasion, with a view to the general freight business, in order to get extra income. In addition, he can work as a driver. He had not completed high school education, until he almost reaches the age of 30 years, he has not got a job. He seduced his father and said, " Dad, do not pity me into a pedicab driver? What father is not ashamed Perhutani father retired, but his son became a pedicab driver?" Perhutani is an Organization of Forestry Management, of Indonesia.

Until repeatedly my brother, SN Heryanto asked my father in order to obey his wishes, until finally my father's heart be melted.

But, since father had a car, we became a family life filled with contention. Starting from the fight of my two older brothers who make a fuss about our car. Since my older brother, SN Giharto graduated from high school in 1982, he has not got the job he wanted. He wanted to work in a shipping company, which he says gives a fairly high salary. He wants to get rich like her classmates, named Abdul Ghafur.

Back when he was in junior high school, SN Heryanto live with his grandparents in Pemalang. At that time I lived with my mother and father in the village of Wrayan. Every month he came home asking for money to pay for school and living expenses. However, it turns out he's not in school. He would rather have fun and play, in the streets with his friends. Father told him to continue the school again, however, he did not want to because it was big and felt embarrassed. Finally, the father sent him to work as a foreman in forestry, and my father 's own subordinates. However, he work only one year, and then stop with the excuse of being fatigued.

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The Story of My Struggle Part 46 - My Pen Friends

To eliminate my boredom, I back to my hobby with many pen pals to correspond with them. I put an ad match up several times at weekly newspapers, Sentana. I put the code name different. Incidentally my appearance in photographs may appear different from the other photo. I got up to dozens and dozens of letters from enthusiasts. Among them are those who are already working, and there is status as a student. In the mix I never look at religion, tribe, and nation.

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The Story of My Struggle Part 45 - Trying Finding a Job

With a budget of a high school diploma, I tried to register the work in PT Texmaco, a textile company, in the city of Pemalang. I worked as a receptionist, then moved to the folding sector. But after I worked through a period of training for three months of work, I did not pass. A few days before I did not pass, I 've cried, because I almost fell down when I want to sit in a chair. Therefore, the chair seat I pulled back quickly, by a male friend of my colleague. Yet in the next room, is where my boss sit. He heard then looked out and saw us.

Out of P.T. Texmaco, I worked in tobacco buffalo branch offices in Pemalang. I worked as a team leader. But I have not been up to a month out. Because I do not like my boss actions that have to misbehave with me. The story of my home after attending a briefing in Semarang. Went home from Semarang, before the evening came, one by one, my female friends on the way down. Finally, only I that still stay on the bus, my boss and driver .

On the way we stopped at a coffee shop, roadside. The boss gave me a capsule which is said to relieve fatigue. But secretly I throw it under the table. We continue the journey home. He wants to sit close to me. Then he laid his thigh in my thigh. The act makes me uneasy because he was afraid he might be doing wrong with me. I am thankful that I got home safely.

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The Story of My Struggle Part 44 - Mother Gets an Inheritance from Her Parents

In mid-1983, we graduated from high school. A few months before my father moved redeployed in Pemalang, mother gets money inherited from my grandmother. The money is used to continue the construction of tile-roofed house yet. Finally we can live with mom and dad at home. We are happy despite the rudimentary state of our house. The floor is ground, the walls replastered yet, and have not put electric lighting. In the building where the kitchen is used for cooking and storing processed teak wood beams, as well as various items of junk.

Many of the neighbors who was not happy to see our house had a roof tile. They are happy to defame our family by saying that if she can not inheritance, certainly can not put a tile roof. They sometimes behave well when dealing with our face. Usually they behave well only if given something.

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The Story of My Struggle Part 43 - Nosy actions, Insults and Vilification of My Neighbors

I frequently had a lot of visitors guy, make the neighbors hate us. The village youth who feel marginalized begin to interfere when my friends came to my home. They tell little children to peek and pelted us with gravel and corn Jagel. Many women are also very hated me, because they felt envy towards me. Almost every day, they gossiped pleasure while looking for lice. If there is a man of my new acquaintances, and when they asking them about my address, sometimes they do not want to show. But it incites, so that the man, thought better to meet at our place.

There are also people who do nosy, take and move the benches that used for seating our guests. We do not know who was the doer. Once sought after by my brother, SN Heryanto, knew that itwas placed on the bench under a mango tree near the house of my neighbors. About a hundred meters away from our house. Most of them, are those who hate me, are of the lower class and the uneducated Muslim.

To meet the needs of our daily lives, we take on debt to a merchant named Mr. Tasrip and his wife named Mrs. Tayah. Sometimes I felt be embarrassed. For if Mr. Tasrip had just returned from shopping with driving jolted, he then saw we were in his house to take on debt, and instantly his face turned into a frown, and sometimes says insinuating that really make our hearts ache. Almost every day we eat with a side dish of fried noodles and crackers without eating vegetables. Unbalanced nutritional needs, make me suffer gout.

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The Story of My Struggle Part 42 - My Teenage Years

After I graduated from elementary school, I went on junior high school in the village Pangkah. I and Sri Nur Giharti, my sister, boarding at Duku village museum, also with my brother SN Giharto at home of Mrs. Tami. But I do not like my brother, because he, SN Giharto is too grumpy. Only about half a year later, I and my sister, SN Giharti moved to the village of Posong. It is close to our school. Our boarding Father, named Father Ambari, a retired soldier, And our boarding Mom taught us that we "Mutih fast" for 7 days. We break the fast only with a plate of white rice with a side dish of fresh tofu and drinking water. We ate once a day every time after maghrib time.

After our final school examinations, we got our holiday. And we went home, in Pemalang. Then I went back to the boarding house to take a certificate in school. I went to a boarding house with my older brother Setyo Nur Heryanto by riding a motorcycle. On our trip was overheating. Because we do not wear helmets and jackets. Before leaving, we had lunch. I eat spicy and hot soup. Then I drank ice. As a result, after arriving at a boarding house at around 4:00 PM, I had a fever. Then I lie on my bed. But my boarding house's mother said that I was lazy boarding and just malingering, so she let me sick for a week without taking medication.

On Sunday the boarding mother's son, named Susnendar going to tell my parents, that I was sick. On Monday, my boardhouse mother bring me for treatment at the health center. At that time I had been seriously ill stated. Every time I eat and drink must always vomiting. My body is very thin, my eyes are yellow, up to my eyes as it spins. The doctor said that I was suffering from typhoid.

Once given the news, on Monday afternoon my mother came to my boarding house, I went straight to the supine sleeping, licking my belly with wet cloth. I slept in the back room near the kitchen. I slept on a couch reposed with bamboo midrib. At that time, I was very happy to meet my mother. Then she invited me home for approximately biweekly, thank God I finally healed.

After finishing junior high school, I continued to go to school at a private high school in Pemalang. Time to go to school at 0:30 PM. Finished at 5:30 PM. I lived in a village settled Wanarejan, Pemalang, with Sri Nur Nur Giharti and Setyo Heryanto. At that time, my brother has not got a job. Therefore, almost every night he goes to stay up with her friends. Home before the dawn call to prayer.

We occupy a building that houses the actual place for the kitchen, which is located separately at the back of the building houses for the bedroom, living room and family room. In between the two buildings that house, created as a clothesline clothes. What unites the two buildings, were walls with 3 meters tall, and a height of half a meter, which is located on the right and left. Inner wall of the kitchen is made of woven bamboo. The floor was still a soil. If night using a traditional lamp, called sentir. But sometimes when we sleep in the dark, we ever got some of our shoes and clothes stolen.

Until many years, our parents have not been able to finish building our house. When we were built the house has not been given a roof tile. Therefore, the building looks like the shape of a cube. It made me feel ashamed. I feel inferior, if met school friends. Moreover, I have a friend of the class, who is named is Imam . When he met me, he always makes fun of me. With a laugh he said, "Her house like a Kaaba." Sometimes he deliberately said in front of people, if you think about it, I should be proud. For the Kaaba is a very sacred building by Muslims around the world.

Although my family lived in poverty, but I am trying to elate. I tried to hang out with school friends, and the friends of my brother Setyo NurHeryanto. Until I became famous. In addition my hobby corresponding with pen pals. Finally, I had enough insight, widely, and feeling insecure I turned into a sense of pride and happy. Almost every night of the week and holidays, a lot of male friends who come to my place. There is even regardless of the day.

My Fame made ​​a lot of men who do not know me, became very curious. A lot of male friends who are interested in me. Among them there are also jealous of each other, up to several times a fight ever occurred between them. There also were incited my boyfriend, my boyfriend slandered so I cut ties with my love. There was also another man who bet money, if it can make me fall in love with him. In one of the guys who bet told me, so I pretended to love him. In order for him to win the stakes.

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